I was bullied
This text is part of: "I would never send my kids to school" by Piotr Wozniak (2017)
Bullying is a test of strength. It is played by the rules of game theory (for details see: Bullying). My understanding of bullying comes in part from theory, and in part from anecdotal evidence. However, an important part comes from my own experience. Most of that experience is largely a struggle for domination at school. In my case, most of that struggle was non violent (for exceptions see: My school fights). I was fortunate to predominately come on the winning side. My relatively peaceful nature meant that bullying was not a big part of my school life. I became a bully once, and I am happy to report that my victim is now one of my best friends. My own experience of being bullied was mild enough to stretch the definition, however, it was painful enough to sear its place in my memory, and provide a good empathetic insight into the mechanics of being a victim.
In 1972, aged 10, I was sent to a summer camp over a lake in a town of Mragowo. I was the youngest boy in my group and this usually isn't good news. The kids arrived from various parts of Poland, and some did not look too smart to me. Possibly, some might have come from smaller villages and this would show in their language or in their knowledge. During one of our group walks to the lake, we spoke about caterpillars found on the pavement. I had the misfortune of noticing "there are people in this world who eat insects". This remark from a little guy caused a salvo of laughter from the older kids. Someone remarked "you are stupid!".
Figure: Summer camp for teen boys. Mragowo, Poland, 1972. The tall guys are supervisors. Some of those remaining eight nice boys might have formed a non-violent bully pack. Half-a-century later, I have no memories to say if any of those boys was a bully. I have a foggy guess on who I might have stabbed with the fork. I am pretty sure I took that shot, and I doubt bullies like to pose for pictures taken by their victims (ref: I was bullied)
As of that time, I sensed a degree of hostility from other kids. They would mock all my departures from the social norm, my faces, my being late, my getting lost, and more. I was very unhappy. In part because of bullying, and also because of being separated from my beloved collection of pet animals. In long letters, I asked my mom about each animal, and send her longwinded instruction how to best take care of all pets. During one of the dinners, bullying lead to a minor fight that ended in a bloody fork stab in the thigh. I cannot recall who was the stabber. It was probably me because I do not recall curing the wound. Over the next two weeks, I gradually overcome the problem of bullying. It seems nothing works better against a bully than any form of strength. I was too young to show physical strength, but I used a bit of social skill to befriend the strongest kids in the pack. A guy named Lech was one of my defenders (see the picture). I was also able to impress many of the kids with my singing. Before the camp, I memorized a couple of songs with fake English or fake Spanish lyrics. For other kids, singing in a "foreign" language was pretty impressive. Last but not least, I had to do some "bribing" of older boys. Unfortunately, this is not the type of bribe I can put in writing here. Some morally sensitive observers would definitely qualify it as "peer contagion", i.e. not the thing you want kids to do or learn via socialization. Take adults away from the mix, and peer contagion seems inevitable (at least that what I observed in my own childhood). By the end of the camp, the bullying was over and I had a lot of nice friends. The picture was taken with my own black-and-white camera imported from communist East Germany.
.jpg)
Figure: Summer camp, Mragowo, Poland, 1972. Lech was one of the stronger boys. Once I befriended him, my problems with bullying ended. He was my defender)
I consider my experience valuable. It gave me a visceral sense of bullying from the victim's point of view. I realize that this was an extremely mild form of bullying that does not compare with horrors experienced by kids in modern schools. I think the main reason for bullying in this case was otherness combined with weakness and perhaps that moment of being seen as a smart-ass.
By the time of my next summer camp, however, I was in total opposition to "socialization in summer camps". My mom dragged me by train to some remote location in the mountains. When all my pleas failed, I escaped on a tree before she had a chance to deliver me to the camp. My determination probably showed my mom that combatting a conviction isn't healthy. Perhaps she also feared serious embarrassment at the time of my arrival on the camp grounds. I will never know. I suffered involuntary summer camps no more.
For more see: